I always enjoy taking time at the end/beginning of a year to reflect on how my life developed over the past 365 days. As I come upon this post, I barely have time to sit down and reflect. Partially this is due to my young one crying or vying for my attention. It also doesn’t help that we are moving in the next week or two. In many ways, my brain can’t seriously think about anything beyond a short period. My thoughts are all clogged up like a drain filled with soap scum and hair. But I will try to focus and concisely ponder 2017 and consider the future.
There is really only one word that defines last year. It was the one development that took place. The rest of my life stopped and froze on the spot, waiting anxiously on this one word. The word? Fatherhood. It was my year to become a father, split almost neatly between one half of anticipation and the other half of fulfillment.
Life before July revolved around caring for my wife and prepping for the baby’s arrival. Yes, I did start writing at a new website, and that is a good development, but it was over-shadowed by our coming son. When he finally was born at the end of July, life shifted into high gear as every day was a learning experience for all three of us. Like the blur of the scenery outside a speeding car, so the final months of 2017 passed for me.
Upon reflection, the year was a gruelling one and I’m happy to turn the page to 2018. For 12 months, life was a steady drumbeat that only picked up in tempo and refused to break. This may seem like a depressing view on 2017, but I’m not sad about it. Mostly exhausted. Between the baby, cultural events, and my own personal struggles, the world flipped by and I tumbled after it. There were moments of great joy, to be sure, such as hearing my son’s cry for the first time. But, on the whole, I’m left sighing as the year passes away.
I think a song that released last year can help explain some of my sentiments. Colony House’s “Where Your Father’s Been” gripped me immediately and stayed with me throughout the year. It played through my head while my wife went into labor and I dashed about the house collecting things for the hospital. The song encourages a young man to grow up and live life through all the pain, toil, frustration and joy, wonder, and love that comes with it. The main cornerstone of encouragement? That where this man is going, his father went before him. It’s a simple truth that reminds us we’re never completely blazing a new trail on our own. Someone has already gone before us. For the young man in the song, it was his father.
That thought was its own comfort for me as I progressed through the year. I reminded myself that my dad had to learn to be a father and go through all the experiences and trials that entails. Though he’s not here with me to give me verbal advice and encouragement, the thought alone that he went through it is enough. The exhaustion and the exaltation, he knew it too in his own way. We share that experience and it helps me press on into a new year.
This next year promises to be one of continued growth and new experiences. My son will complete his first year, we are moving to a new space, our family will travel and grow together, I will spend some time in a studio, and hopefully finish another work for publishing. I’m sure the exhaustion will follow me through the year, but I have hope of upward mobility. Maybe I’m wrong, but I still hope in God staying with us through the year.
No matter what, it’s where my father’s been and where I’m gonna go.
Happy New Year.
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