For the second time in my life (not counting kindergarten), I graduated. On Friday, May 13th, I stepped “out the door”, this time with an Associate’s Degree in Biblical and Theological Studies from Boyce College. And now I am left with the question of “what’s next?”
My current answer is, “i have no clue.” I feel like my life can go in several different directions…toward music, toward writing, toward further study, toward etc. To a point I feel like I need to study more..not that I want to or even think it necessary, but because “it’s just the thing to do.” But what about music or writing? My brain whirls at the thought of all my “options”, which aren’t necessarily options that are open doors, but they’re just the likely or obvious options in my mind.
And that’s frustrating. When I graduated from high school 3 years ago I thought I knew where I was going. I had great expectations. But practically none of those expectations have been met. I’m left off in more confusion than before. College didn’t clear much up, it made things muddier. I’m left with a degree I can do practically nothing with. I’m sitting dead in the water, waiting for a torpedo to strike me. Don’t get me wrong, I learned alot from Boyce. I gained many friends from my time there and appreciate the professors I had. But I get frustrated when I look back at my past 3 years and think, “what on earth have I been doing?”
Again, I find this song I wrote for my high school graduation very appropriate for this time in my life. As this short chapter closes and a new one begins, I’d say my prayer is best expressed in this song:
Out the Door
Prov. 3:5-6, 16:9, 20:24
Words and Music by John Underdown
V1- I seem to recall a time before
When all I wanted was nothing more
than to fly away from everything I know.
But now that time has come and passed,
The days are gone; I’m here at last,
Wondering if I’m really ready to go.
Chorus-The future is waiting; the wind is at my back.
I’m going over every line to find out what I lack.
(With) all my dreams before me, I pray that I succeed.
Right now, the joy and strength of God are what I really need.
‘Cause I’m on my way out the door…
V2- I’m standing here at the gate,
I struggle and I hesitate,
Should I lift the anchor with wind in my sail?
The door swings wide; the moment comes,
I’ve reached the end of infinite sums,
Now a new life lies just beyond a veil. (Chorus)
Bridge- I follow my heart, but still I’m scared,
I’m daring to do what I’ve never dared.
O God, You alone know my way.
Trusting You, I lose my grip.
Be my guide on this lifelong trip.
O God, You alone have the final say.
* john’s room music. ’09.
if you’d like to listen to this song, click on the following link and scroll to the bottom of the page where there is a music player and listen for free!