I want to begin by congratulating my bro and his fam as they welcome a brand-spanking new baby girl. Cigars all around! Now on to this post that I originally wrote on my other blog at http://schooltimemysteries.freewebspace.com ironically around the same time last year. It’s mostly in tact,save I modified it a little..Enjoy!
Have you ever seen friends or people you know just accelerate? You know, they “move up to the highrise” and you find yourself watching them rocket into the sky while you’re still chained to the ground,still finding your strength, still honing your craft? They get recognized,they develop quicker;but you remain in the shadows, frustrated and powerless to throw your chips in.
That’s kinda how i feel right now. or lately. I feel like I’m watching friends be exposed for their talents and they’re being recognized, but I’m…sitting in a dark room typing this pity-party blog post. Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends and I am gladder than anyone that they are getting recognized. My friends are talented and special and they deserve the exposure. I’m happy for them. But at the same time, I long for the same. I mean,in high school I was this renown songwriter,guitarist and storywriter. I was a creative genius of some sorts. Now I’m in college. I doubt half the students at Boyce know who I am.
Let me clarify: It’s not popularity I want. It’s the chance to let my talents run free and affect people again. I miss that. I guess it irks me a little when I see people playing music in public,or traveling at whim,or having their talent (whatever it be) exposed, or falling in love or whatever. I see these great things unfolding in their lives (and again,I’m happy for them),yet here I am slaving away at a Wendy’s,chained to custom and monotony,trapped on an island. Isolated. Alone.I guess I’m jealous that they’re probably more fulfilled than I am. Is this selfish? Should I simply pull the plug on this? I don’t think I can. This drives me. It forces me to sweat. Respect isn’t gained easily. It’s gained with weary bones and a broken back. Patience has been the key word in my life. I always have to wait longer than others. I know my moment will come, it’s just hard to wait for it to get here…
To update this thought a little more,I must admit that I am making some small progress. A song I’ve written, “Out the Door,” will be put on a CD in conjunction with that [cm]songwriter competition and I did just submit Plethora to a publisher. So I can’t be as complainy or whiny as I was in the original posting of this, but I guess my patience is wearing thin,hanging by a thread,and I’m getting jittery and anxious to see the future now.