Sitting in the Shadows

I want to begin by congratulating my bro and his fam as they welcome a brand-spanking new baby girl. Cigars all around! Now on to this post that I originally wrote on my other blog at http://schooltimemysteries.freewebspace.com ironically around the same time last year. It’s mostly in tact,save I modified it a little..Enjoy!

Have you ever seen friends or people you know just accelerate? You know, they “move up to the highrise” and you find yourself watching them rocket into the sky while you’re still chained to the ground,still finding your strength, still honing your craft? They get recognized,they develop quicker;but you remain in the shadows, frustrated and powerless to throw your chips in.

That’s kinda how i feel right now. or lately. I feel like I’m watching friends be exposed for their talents and they’re being recognized, but I’m…sitting in a dark room typing this pity-party blog post. Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends and I am gladder than anyone that they are getting recognized. My friends are talented and special and they deserve the exposure. I’m happy for them. But at the same time, I long for the same. I mean,in high school I was this renown songwriter,guitarist and storywriter. I was a creative genius of some sorts. Now I’m in college. I doubt half the students at Boyce  know who I am.

Let me clarify: It’s not popularity I want. It’s the chance to let my talents run free and affect people again. I miss that. I guess it irks me a little when I see people playing music in public,or traveling at whim,or having their talent (whatever it be) exposed, or falling in love or whatever. I see these great things unfolding in their lives (and again,I’m happy for them),yet here I am slaving away at a Wendy’s,chained to custom and monotony,trapped on an island. Isolated. Alone.I guess I’m jealous that they’re probably more fulfilled than I am. Is this selfish? Should I simply pull the plug on this? I don’t think I can. This drives me. It forces me to sweat. Respect isn’t gained easily. It’s gained with weary bones and a broken back. Patience has been the key word in my life. I always have to wait longer than others. I know my moment will come, it’s just hard to wait for it to get here…

To update this thought a little more,I must admit that I am making some small progress. A song I’ve written, “Out the Door,” will be put on a CD in conjunction with that [cm]songwriter competition and I did just submit Plethora to a publisher. So I can’t be as complainy or whiny as I was in the original posting of this, but I guess my patience is wearing thin,hanging by a thread,and I’m getting jittery and anxious to see the future now.

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One thought on “Sitting in the Shadows

  1. Hmm… I think part of the problem is your measurement of your success. The songwriting contest is a pretty big deal! Your song’s being heard by who knows how many other people because you won that contest. And submitting to a publisher? That’s a huge step, too! It may not seem like much, but first of all, you’ve written and edited an entire story to the point where you’re confident enough to give it to someone who may publish it. Don’t discount that! It’s awesome! 🙂

    And on another note, though you probably know it and are just feeling bothered that the time isn’t now… your time will come. You’ve got talent, John. And you use that talent to serve God. He’s going to show you what paths to take and lead you to where you’re meant to be. It may be that your road’s a little longer than some of your friends. But in the end, you’re moving with God on His timing, so I say enjoy it and trust Him to get you there when the time’s right. It’s not fun, but it’s worth it. 🙂

    I know how you feel, though. Sometimes I look at what’s going on in my life and think ‘I could be doing so much more!’ But it’s not always about doing the ‘so much more’ as it is about doing the things of the here and now and working toward and praying about that ‘so much more.’ When I get discouraged because I’m not where I want to be, I look at what I’ve already been able to do, what I am doing, and what I want to do. Then I look at others who are doing amazing things. It motivates me. I don’t let it get me down, but use it as fuel to make better work or find ways to use my talents to help others.

    Anyway, just wanted to post on this before I disappear back into my working abyss. Don’t let this bring you down for too long. Keep moving forward and eventually you’ll get there. 🙂

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