Two things enrage me about this incident: 1) My ticket cost had two components-$20 for running the sign, the rest toward “court costs.” What gets me is that hefty sum for “court costs.” I get the $20, that’s just. But how is the rest of that fair,just, or right? I guess I’ll go join the “Occupy Wall Street” movement…wait, does that still exist?

The second thing that really angers me, and this is more important than the first point, is that I was guilty as charged. Yes, I had run the stop sign. Yes, it was an accident. Still, I was guilty. It was a shock to me. A kid I knew in high school used to call me “Mr Perfect”. I hated that term because I knew I wasn’t..and am still not. But to actually be confronted with my wrong-doing–and to pay the penalty!–ruffled my feathers. I realized I wasn’t as innocent as I thought I had been. I had sinned against society, ever so slightly, and had to atone for that. And $160 later, my guilt was atoned for.

This incident made me appreciate more what Christ has done for me. Had I died in my sin I would’ve appeared before God and been charged with things far worse than accidentally running a stop sign. But under Christ, these charges may be leveled at me, but they cannot carry any weight. My guilt was atoned for when Jesus shed His own blood on the cross. I may’ve had to pay $160 to an earthly court, but Jesus covered that cost in a heavenly one. And for that, I’m very thankful.

Why? The ironic thing was that when God really got a hold of my life, I was at an event similar to Passion,but geared toward jr highers. I felt a lot of emotions after that event. Good emotions. But while I saw how emotions could drive a person to good, it could also be a cover-up for apathy. You know, you have an emotional experience and for a few weeks you’re all “GO JESUS!” But then time passes and your enthusiasm withers away. It can also create a desire for more emotions, more “buzz”, more feeling.

For instance, during the whole first year after that jr high event, I strived to recreate the emotional experience I had. I tried to reclimb the mountain. I don’t know how many times i made myself cry through that year, but it was probably more than all the times I cried through the rest of high school. Eventually I realized a couple things:

1) I was craving emotionalism over Jesus. I only wanted a spiritual buzz…I didn’t want spiritual sustenance.

2) You may only ascend that particular mountain once. Just as God gave the Law to Israel on Mt Sinai and then moved them away from there, He may give us that “mountaintop experience” and then move us away from that particular mountain. It wasn’t that I never felt so near to God again, it’s just that I felt nearer in different ways, and most of the time not in the context of an emotional conference.

I’m not dissing Passion or any other events like that at all. They’re doing good things and God is using them, for sure. But beware of making those events the only times you can “recharge your batteries”. These events may help blow away alot of the dirt you’re digging at, but you’ll have to rely on God to help you with the rocks underneath.

What do you think? Are events like Passion a double-edge blade?

January: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/01/17/boundaries-in-art/
This is a post that technically isn’t closed. I’m sure there’s much more to be said, and probably much more that I could add or clarify.

February: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/02/08/deaths-victory-is-brief/
Strangely, I liked all the posts from Feb, but this one is the most important, I think. Death and grief was the challenge of this year, and this poem expresses that.

March: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/03/27/tomorrows-song/
March was a weak month, post-wise, but this song perfectly expresses alot of the frustration I felt then and now.

April: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/04/05/words-of-comfort/
The majority of comfort that I found this year came from the Bible and I think this post best expresses that.

May: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/raptured-respect/
Do you remember where you were at when the world was supposed to end? I was at a wedding reception…

June: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/06/28/the-point-of-life/
As I studied Ecclesiastes this summer, I was challenged greatly in my view on life. Here’s a post about that turning point.

July: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/07/31/something-awesome/
This was another good posts month, but I’ll repost this one because my friend is still doing this awesome fundraiser, and you should totally be awesome and support her!

August: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/08/21/the-fall-ive-always-wanted/
Ah, autumn and growing up! A good combination…for a blog post..

September: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/09/08/911-revisited/
This was easy to pick since it was the only post that month. Still a good one to read…

October: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/10/29/free-music/
Okay, at least this year I did release a free EP on the internet…which is still available…which means you should download it RIGHT NOW SO I CAN STOP USING ALL CAPS!!

November: http://jrunderdown.wordpress.com/2011/11/13/a-final-ode-to-wendys/
This was a tough tie between my Occupy Wall Street post and this one. My leaving of Wendy’s was a little closer to home, so I’ll go with that.

December: This is the only post this month…so I guess that makes it the best. I moved and got wrapped up in work. Not that you missed me that much…

Looking back I think it’s safe to say that 2012 can easily beat 2011 in being the better year. But I don’t want to be cocky. Luke Skywalker was and it almost fried him…but that’s beside the point. The real point is that I can move into yet another year and hope to see a published book, a budding music career, and maybe even the firstlight of love. But if the rest of my life has shown me anything, it’s that patience is the theme for me and if I must wait another year for these things, then I must wait. God’s purpose doesn’t always make sense but I can trust Him…

So bring on 2012!

If it were for religious reasons, I could see it. But it’s for purely economic reasons. The retailers and malls don’t care about what a holiday stands for, they care about the sales they can make on any one event. And Christmas is the holiday of holidays. It’s the time of year when their biggest numbers roll in and so they keep pushing the season earlier and earlier. So Christmas comes early because we’re obsessed with consumerism.

But I think there’s another reason. Everyone loves the holiday season whether they celebrate Christmas or not. This time of year has a certain nostalgia to it and we love nostalgia. Every year we come face to face with bad news: wars, death, disease, heartache, etc. Christmas is the escape for some people, it’s the mask that we throw on to hide away from the bad times that make us cower in fear.

But, really, it’s not like there is anything I can do about it. But I can tell you this, don’t rush time; it’s already going by at a fast rate. Instead, face every season. There will be a ton of bad ones, but that makes all the good ones shine brighter. So don’t scarf down your Thanksgiving turkey too quickly. Pause and reflect and let the seasons run their course.

I began thinking that America is turning into a giant factory. As the waters of industry sweep us away into the whirlpool of technological achievements, the need for factories and warehouses grows. What’s the problem with this? None really. It’s just the way that it goes. But it’s a sad way. It’s sad that i spend my nights now picking up bundles of mail off a conveyer belt during 3rd shift and spend my days sleeping away weariness (which curiously still remains even after I wake). It’s sad that this world ain’t as beautiful anymore. I know work is necessary, I just hope I don’t spend the rest of my life locked in a factory just to survive while I never take the time to enjoy this life that God has given me in the meantime.

To play off a poem concept made famous by Walt Whitman, “I hear America singing…and it sounds out of tune.”